What the FOSTA/SESTA Anti-Sex Trafficking Bill Means

Two bills that proponents claim will curb sex trafficking online overwhelmingly passed the Senate last Wednesday, on March 21, causing ripples of concern across the Internet. While the desire to end sex trafficking and hold those in charge responsible is a valid one, many fear the Allow States and Victims to Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act (FOSTA) and the Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act (SESTA) will instead further criminalize sex workers and put them and sex trafficking victims at even more risk. The bill now awaits the president’s signature to make it official.

FOSTA/SESTA was birthed thanks to a case against Backpage.com, a classifieds website. In 2016, executives of Backpage were arrested on charges of pimping a minor, pimping, and conspiracy to commit pimping. Prosecutors claimed that Backpage was primarily developed to facilitate illegal sex work, but the court dismissed the case citing Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act. From that came FOSTA/SESTA.

In the past, Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act was often used to protect websites from legal consequences of what their users posted online, though they would still be accountable to liability under federal criminal law. Section 230 says that ISPs and websites publishing third party content would be protected against laws that would otherwise hold them responsible for the speech of their users. It’s because of Section 230 that we have the freedom to post reviews on Amazon or complain about politics on a WordPress site. Wikipedia and the Internet Archive exist in part because of Section 230. Granted, that mostly hands-off stance is also claimed as the reason sites like Twitter and Facebook have been loath to do anything about violent threats from white supremacists or the misogynists of Gamergate.

How, then, does FOSTA/SESTA attempt to create that accountability? Well, Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act will be amended to note that websites can be prosecuted if they engage in the “promotion or facilitation of prostitution” or “facilitate traffickers in advertising the sale of unlawful sex acts with sex trafficking victims.” The bill seemingly conflates sex trafficking survivors with consensual sex workers, something that many sex work activists say make both less safe.

The Internet Association, which includes media giants like Amazon and Microsoft, initially was against the bill, but withdrew their opposition in exchange for some minimal changes in language. Most notably, Facebook agreed to back down for the addition of the word “knowingly” to the bill, meaning sites would be held liable if they were found to have known about their site being used for the facilitation of sex trafficking or sex work and done nothing about it.

“For years, thousands of women and children have been exploited online, while the websites where they have been sold have operated as business as usual — making millions off of the exploitation. Let’s be clear— we are talking about websites where 12 year olds are sold for sex,” Lauren Hersh, national director of World Without Exploitation, told Teen Vogue in a statement. “FOSTA-SESTA is a response to a grave injustice that disproportionately impacts women and girls of color, most who have landed in the sex trade not because of choice, but because of lack of choices or coercion. Trafficking survivors and their families have worked tirelessly with lawmakers to shine a light on the violent, sometimes lethal, reality of online sex trafficking and pass a bill that holds websites that knowingly facilitate trafficking accountable.”

Sex workers have been some of the most vocal about the negative impact this will have on their lives. And their fears are not hyperbolic — when Rentboy and myRedbook were raided by federal authorities for promoting prostitution, many sex workers who were screening clients and getting names of dangerous bookings were forced instead to go onto the street. Many worry about law enforcement and their historical failure to protect vulnerable sex workers, and these raids additionally appear to have a negative impact on exactly what they’re meant to help — getting sex trafficking victims the help they need. One New York Times piece from 2017 quotes a sergeant in the San Jose human trafficking unit as saying that with the removal of Backpage, street-based sex workers were more common, and that the department got far fewer tips, making his job even more difficult.

It’s not just about how sex workers safely book clients, either. Since FOSTA/SESTA is retroactive, even people who have left the sex industry could find themselves banned from a platform if they openly discussed their work years prior, leading some workers to create threads on how to clean up your social media. Many sites have been known to banish sex workers before, whether or not they were using the platform for advertising. Multiple websites that functioned as forums for sex workers to give each other support and advice have also disappeared almost overnight after FOSTA/SESTA passed. Most recently, Craigslist removedall of their personals, citing the legislation as the reason. Craigslist had previously removedtheir erotic services section because of pressure — recently, a study indicated that access to the site had helped reduced female homicide by 17%.

Human trafficking, whether sexual or the less publicized but more common examples like forced labor or debt bondage, does need to be addressed. The real question is, will punishing the forums on which sex workers find community and safety be effective in preventing sex trafficking?

Adult Friend Finder Review

Adult Friend Finder is definitely your one-stop shop which provides all there is to be provided by any hookup site. It brings to your door step a wide range of choices and preferences. You can venture deeper and seek choices based on your own preferences or you can even interact with users having a wide range of other preferences which may have been less familiar to you.

This site has a higher degree of profiles which contain a larger range of explicit content or pictures. This site simply screams of casual and easy to get hook ups. It functions under the flagship of Adult Friend Finders Network and has been boon for all the people who are interested in having casual hookups online or even in person.


  • Adult Friend Finder is an established legit website since 1996 & packing millions of users worldwide.

  • The feature called What’s Hot lets you interact with the hottest profile user who is trending currently on the site. This lets you be on top of things and trends.

  • There are a wide range of search options which could cater to almost any kind of whims and fancies of any man. There is a plethora of options for discovery, communication and online bling.


  • There is a lack of data driven matching system. The site does not have any robust algorithm.

  • As a hook up app, Adult Friend Finder does not offer any elaborate questionnaire which will help you match your profile with other users. No algorithm can function or even suggest partners. It becomes very difficult to find a compatible partner.

Adult Friend Finder Review

adult friend finder review

This dating site can be said to be the unfiltered oasis of sexual encounters and singles. Actually you may not even be a single person. What is important is that you just be interested in intimate sexual counters.


1. Adult Friend Finder is Special!

Adult Friend Finder has all the basic features of a typical online dating site but what really sets it apart is the fact that it also provides a ton of extra tools as well. There are certain features which make the entire experience more interactive and stimulating. The site incorporates a good amount of detail regarding the information of various social media communities or even p**n sites. This information is available on personal blogs.

This interface acts as a platform through which you can easily live stream from sites. Other resources are also a click away from such sites. They provide some important dating advices (mostly senual advices). They also offer an option to join an academy which gives a course on fling advice.


Members on this dating platform can either be passive or active users. You can choose to only browse and not make contact with any of the other user or you could also create a personal favorite hotlist of some of your favorite members. You can be a more active user by engaging in virtual love. In order to do this you could use an exclusive feature called the Connexion feature.

This enables you to indulge in digital as well as physical connection. You can send in some sensations via some of the paired s** toys. I mean this site has taken the realm of artificial intelligence to another level.

However it also depends on how much money you spend. This is directly proportional to which level of active or passive user you may be. It will be fairly difficult for a new user to initiate any sort of a conversation. However if you do want to be a free user my take is that you very prudently, with a play of words, fill up your profile. Think about what photos would lead you to a jackpot quiet literally and give your profile a bit of a boost and all you have to do is wait patiently till others contact you.

3. They Vouch For Customer’s Satisfaction 

The Adult FriendFinder vouches to satisfy all your whims and fancies that you have ever had regarding sensual encounters. It also a point system, a bling and tips system and lets you have virtual sensual encounters using your favorite sex toys with a model. This just keeps getting exciting by each passing day.

4. The Point System

The dating site operates on a point system which further helps to gamify the entire dating system and makes the entire process more pleasurable and fun to indulge yourself into. This also gives a boost to all kind of sexual imagination you can ever have. But everything has a price and so the imagination can run as wild as you want it to run and how much money are you willing to pay also.

So, how exactly do you earn these points?

You can either earn these points by indulging in some kind of an activity on site or you could simply buy these points using your credit card.


In every typical you would use these points to buy some ammunition or some other extra amenities. So in this site, you use these points to ‘tip’ some member updates or to view some member images or even some other member video which you might like.

Now Bling is such a catchy word!

You can use these points to buy Bling. These Bling are basically badges. Using these batches you could view any number of naughty videos. This is also your gateway to get or purchase free membership prizes or even gets access to membership months. This will allow you to get an access to certain sites of the dating site.

6. Premium Membership is GOLD

The thing about premium membership is that it opens up windows to pretty much all sorts of social interactive interfaces for any user who plans on spending more or less than $20 dollars a month. This amount can further be reduced if the user plans on getting a different for a longer duration of time.

In order to use all the bling features and extra attractions added by the owners you must and it is advisable that you become a paid subscriber to Adult Friend Finder. Being a paid member you will be able to contact any user, no restriction there. Although you will be charged more barring the subscription fee if you wish to watch of the video sections.

You will get as much as you want to pour in. I mean you will have to let loose your coffers. This site will treat you well only if you can pay up. They are directly related.


1. Pay More For More

You could be duped or rather, you may be paying for a premium subscriptions but even that subscription may not be able to cover some of the additional yet extremely features which are provided by this site. This includes model videos or even purchased points or the exclusive sex academy videos.

2. Lack of Research

Enough research has not been done. Maybe since they hardly collect any sort of data. Considering this shortcoming, the users barely have any idea of the male to female ratio of users. This may not come off as a major setback however, there is no database if things go wrong or there is no tab of any sort of information which might direct towards inefficiency.

How to Get Started With Adult Friend Finder?

adult friend finder

There is a simple set up that you need to follow in order to sign up for adult Friend Finder. There are 5 steps that you must follow. They are as follows:

  • First off all you will need to fill in is your sexual orientation and what all interests or preferences you would like to pursue while using this best dating app

  • Next, you must fill a blurb which consists of about 18 characters. This blurb will be like a bio.

  • Go ahead and make the necessary changes in the option which is called Cupid preferences. This will narrow down your search options and will present you with very specific options based on your choices, fetish, location, appearance, etc. 

  • In your homepage there will be tons of provocative banners and ads and you can browse through the navigation bar which will be present at the top of the screen. Now, there will be an option called ‘What’s New’.

  • This option will keep you updated in every way and will showcase which all profiles are new ones or what all additions have been made. All these will feature based solely on the preferences that you have enlisted. 

  • There is also an option called Live Action. The name itself indicates that this option will be the live chat room which you enjoy using.


adult friendfinder review

This site involves a little bit of work from the side of the users. But looking at such a huge number of users and rapid activity going on, you will never find it a problem to get a suitable partner. However the kind of money that you constantly have to pour in may just not be everyone’s cup of tea.

In order to fully use you will be required to pay a premium subscription. If you are a free user, you are more or less a passive user. You cannot make much contact.
Even if you pay for a premium membership it might not be enough after all. To view some of the other videos you will have to loosen your pockets a little bit more and pay a little more.

Also the site barely collects any kind of data from the users and that is a disadvantage considering there is no proper algorithm that would match us up with the appropriate kind of users. You are literally looking for a needle in hay.

This might not have a very strong algorithm system in place to hook you up with some other partner but the meat of the matter is it has morphed the adult dating site into a gaming site making the entire process of finding a suitable partner more exciting. You have a point system, you can have virtual sex, and you get relationship advice as well. These advice will however be more sexual in nature. That gives without saying.

This site works best for people who are willing to spend more. Even if you get a premium subscription, in order to view some of the other videos or profiles or pictures you will have to pay up a little more. You can choose for yourself how active or passive kind of a user you want to be.

The explicit sexual content that this site presents any user is unprecedented and even if it does have flaws pertaining to the match making, it covers that up in the sheer options that it provides.

This is our review of adult friend finder. We want you to share your experience in the comment section because it will help us to form one of the most constructive adult friend finder review.

10 Tips For Having A Safe Hookup

10 Tips For Having A Safe Hookup

Part of the fun of an app like Lucky or Tinder is that you get to go with your gut instinct. See someone you like? Swipe right. If they swipe on you too, you start talking, and things go from there. It’s as easy as that.

Of course, this kind of freedom requires some common sense. The last thing you want is for something as fun as a hookup going south, and becoming uncomfortable. Or even worse, to find yourself in an unsafe situation. (Hopefully you haven’t been there, because it kinda sucks.)

Good thing there’s a middle ground. A little common sense can go a long way in the world of online dating — keep these tips in mind, and the rest will be all about having a good time.

1. Share Your Details, Slowly

Lucky’s cool, because we let you send pics, texts, audio, video, and make phone calls, all within the app. This way, you can decide when to hand out your personal number. You’ll know the right time for that, but until that time, it’s always best to keep identifying info to a minimum.

2. And That Goes For Your Name

It’s crazy how much information someone can get, just when they know your first and last name. If you want to go by your first name? That’s cool. But hold on to the rest until you know someone well enough to know they’re not a weirdo.

3. Report Creeps

If someone’s bugging you? You know it. It’s not just someone not getting the hint — this person feels unstable. Please, block that person, and report them (this is true for us, and for other dating apps). Getting that person off the site makes the whole experience better and safer for everybody, and with any luck, you haven’t told them anything about yourself.

4. Don’t Be Afraid of Detective Work

This is a big one. It’s easy to call someone a stalker when they’re combing through the last few years of a match’s social media, but it’s actually not a bad idea. You’re not breaking into anybody’s diary here — this is information they’re sharing with the world, provided they’re willing to share their name with you. Just so happens that it’s also a great way to find out whether someone is actually, well, real. Click away.

5. Share Your Whereabouts

When you’re heading out the door to meet someone, drop your best friend a text, telling them that you’re going out. Or tell your roommate, or whoever. Point is, let somebody know that you’re going out, and where they can look for you if you go AWOL. Nobody wants to jump to conclusions, but better safe than sorry, and it’ll take, like, 10 seconds.

6. Meet on Neutral Ground

If it’s your first time meeting someone (especially if you haven’t known them for very long), arrange to meet somewhere in the middle for both of you. If the date starts getting weird, you can always back out, and because the other person didn’t pick you up, they don’t know where you live. If the date is going really well, though? We’ll leave inviting them over for a nightcap up to you.

7. People Places

And while you’re at it, meet someplace where there are lots of people. A mall, a bustling restaurant, you get the idea. We’d love to think that everyone is just out for some fun, but save the more secluded experiences (long hikes in the woods or road trips) for later on, once you’ve gotten to know each other a little and decide you want something more than just a hookup.

8. Daytime Meeting

Everyone’s schedule can be a little hectic, but don’t immediately discount the idea of meeting up in the daytime. Maybe start by grabbing a cup of coffee in some cool part of town, and going from there. Nobody ever said hooking up was an activity exclusively for the evening hours.

9. Just, Be Safe.

We’ll cut to the chase: it’s probably not the best idea in the world to invite a stranger over to your house. We’re don’t want to tell you what you can and can’t do, and we want you to have an awesome time doing what it is you do. But you have to admit, it would be kinda weird to put together a “Top 10 Tips” list and not include “Don’t invite a total stranger over.”

10. Finally, Go With Your Gut.

You know the feeling… something’s off. Sometimes, the best move is to go with instinct, so don’t be afraid to cut off the date early, or just walk out altogether.

How To Hookup On Tinder And Get First Night Sex

It has two main sections, how to hookup when you are on your Tinder date, and how to use Tinder to get laid. 2 different things, I’ll explain but read the hookup strategy first because you will understand woman a lot more.

A good date story allows girls to have enough detail to cover a potentially slutty image with a blanket of respectability

Guys want to hookup and have sex with hot, sexy attractive women but sadly most men have no idea of how to make that happen, especially on Tinder, if you have ever seen the Tinder messages girls get – its embarrassing for all men.

Girls equally love the excitement of having a sex with a new partner, and are usually willing to have hookups and one night stands with a man who makes them feel good, but girls won’t if it makes them look or feel like a Tinder slut.

Hookup – The importance of the Story

Most girls have one night stands and hookup with guys from Tinder but they can’t look like a slut doing it. This is so important for you to understand, the key to hookup with a hot girl on the first night is all about creating a good date story. Tinder or non Tinder – this is important.

If a girl tells starts suggesting that she would be up for a one night stand and sounding like a slut, 9 out of 10 times they are just testing you.

‘The key to hookup with a hot girl on the first night is all about creating a good date story’

For girls it is all about the story, of how it happened, girls love this stuff and will chat hours with their friends; what did he say? how did he ask you out? how did you end up at his place? all of this is really important to women and they will tell every last detail to their friends.

When they tell their friends about the sex on first night it can’t make them look like a slut, rather an exciting unexpected ending rather than a dirty Tinder hookup. Giving girls a good story allows them to have enough detail to cover a potentially slutty image with a blanket of respectability.

A girl that has sex with you will want to meet again

This is the reason why men should meet them early, suggest to go to a quiet bar, nice walk to chat visiting several places, this is a great way to help her write the story in her head that it was a classy evening. Your job is to make her feel good and help write the story, all the way to your bedroom.

Hot Girl Mindset


Remember a very attractive woman can have sex or ‘Hookup’ whenever she wants, if she wanted to have some anonymous sex she could organise that in a second, she knows that 9/10 guys would drop everything and take her home if she suggested she wanted to have sex. Tinder for her is like window shopping because she every guy will have swiped yes to her on Tinder.

A hot girl doesn’t put a high value on sex because she can have it whenever she wants. But she will value peer respect, image and status, she will be very aware that other less hot, jealous women would jump at the chance to give her a slut label in an attempt to bring down her value.

I cannot emphasis this enough – Don’t make your hookup sound like a one night stand, when a girl tells her friends the story, or ask for their advice, you need to sound like a great guy with a ‘potential’ long term even if all she wanted was to get laid.

Show any girl this post and they will agree with it, this is what they want, they want to meet a guy have great sex and they want to keep their dignity doing it.
This is what horny girls are waiting for, a guy who will take them out, help them write a good story to tell themselves and to their friends so they can have dirty sweaty incredible sex on a blanket of respectability.

Men – be the Leader

The key here is continuous compliance, tell your Tinder date to do things throughout the date; tell her to try he food because it is great – she does and loves it, then you suggest to the girl she should check out something out the window – she does and it was great, you suggest to go to this other bar – she does and it is a good place, you ask her to you her hand for ‘some reason of your choice’.

Building a chain of compliance is so effective, and it is also a good way to gauge how much she is into you, when she starts complying to everything that you are saying then you are in and she is definitely loving your masculinity.

I don’t care what year this is, equal right, girl power etc, girls want a man who is in control. You are the leader, you and going to lead her on a date, you are in charge of where to meet, where to go, if you’ll be drinking wine or cocktails, and you will also be the one who suggests to go back to your place.

This is not a trick this is just the type of behaviour that girls like to see naturally in men. This Tinder date story gives her a great date and gives you the platform to be the leader and build a chain of compliance.

Making decisions and leading the way is an attractive male trait, trying to pressure a woman to do something is being a douche-bag, so if she doesn’t want the cocktail don’t force it, she doesn’t need to be drunk to go home with you, you want to hookup and for her to tell her friends you were awesome, don’t be weird and rapey! Girls will spot that kind of thing a mile away.

Perfect Date Strategy – Hookups

This framework is better than Patrick’s Online Income strategy when it comes to a successful date story, follow it, be a leader in a casual way.


Quiet First Drink

Meet at a quite bar, have one drink to let her feel comfortable with you, you suggest to leave after one drink, so that she feels like you are not trying to get her tipsy trying to entice her into making bad decisions, this will lower her guard and build trust that you are a nice guy.

Snack Food

Walk to get some food, snack type, slice of pizza, something small and is a fast transition. For several reasons, its cheap, it is fast, you don’t get too full, you don’t have to wait uncomfortably long time to get your food and no awkward moments when getting the check. When she tells the story, you went for a drink, then went for a walk, then had some food, you have already written a great story for her so far, it is all good stuff.

Walk to the Date Spot

Take her to get another drink at another place, share a bottle of wine in a cool bar. A bottle of wine is easy to drink and sounds classy, whatever you save on not going to a restaurant you can splash out a little on a nice bottle of wine and don’t mention the price(she will notice on her own because she will be analysing you).

Once you both are at the perfect amount of tipsy drunk take her to a place where you can have some physical contact, a dancing place or a bar with loud music. If you can dance this is the time to bring it into the date, it will take your hookup probability up to 90%.

Closing Time

It is time to close(take her back to your house), when the bar closes, say you don’t want to go to a club, its too loud etc, tell her you have some drink back at yours, say it without hesitation.

Remember that this hookup is not going to happen on its own, it requires your consistent, fun leadership and her continuing confluence. And what you have actually done is create an awesome date story and she will be excited to hookup.

It also not just a one night strategy, sure you can hookup with the girl, but 9 times out of 10 a girl that has sex with you will want to meet again, unless you get weird or super lovey-dovey after sex.

Hookup Checklist for men

  1. Be very comfortable in her company
  2. Let her get comfortable with you
  3. Don’t worry about silences, it is only awkward if you make it awkward
  4. Always have in your mind where to go, and a back-up if one place is closed
  5. Lead the entire date from picking the meet-up spot all the way to taking her home
  6. Look out for signs that she is enjoying your company
  7. Don’t react to these signs (be cool), if she is comfortable and enjoying herself keep the same vibe going.
  8. Have drinks but not too much – it is really not required, she can always pretend to be more drunk if it makes her feel more comfortable.
  9. Have your apartment already prepared with wine in the fridge, water, condoms, tidy room, low lit lighting and a nicely made bed.
  10. Hold her hand towards the end of the date, crossing the street, you don’t need to explain, just take her hand.
  11. Be a champion and take her home, happy hookup..!!

How to get laid on Tinder – Section 2

Ok there is a reason I left this until last, I wanted you to get in your heads about maintaining the air of respectability because this is where most men fail, and women get spammed all day with sex requests.

Remember the girl wants to get laid too, so how do we tell what girls want to get laid and what girls don’t.

Things to be aware of:

Just because she has a sexy looking pic, doesn’t mean that she is DTF.

This normally means that she wants the attention, she knows that using a sexy profile pic will get more men messaging her and she really just wants the ego boost.

That being said, insecure girls who want their egos boosted also want to get laid but don’t fall for the trap of acting like predicable hungry dog getting excited because you seen a little skin and you think she is easy.

So what is the plan?

Try to make her feel something different, for example you could message..

“I can see by your pics that you are just on here for the ego boost, you have a really sexy look, I will happily give you the ego boost ;)” .

Notice I didn’t ask a question! Because as most of us know (who are not supermodel good-looking men) girls will ofter reply with a statement reply, meaning they won’t ask a question back.

The reply will be like this…

“Thank you edward.. glad you like it ;)”  or if you are lucky “what do you mean EGO boost??”

When we send a polite(ish) message with a twist, we usually gets you a reply, which is the first goal. Now here is your chance to say something to give you value over the hundred other men to complimented her that day.

Say something like “I’m really into behaviour psychology and I can tell you how you felt in that (choose one of her pics)

Super interesting thing to say and out of curiosity she’ll ask what it is you think. So then you make a joke, don’t give her the answer straight away, entertain her enough before asking her out.


You can just swipe and request hookups all day. Unless you are really good looking you are probably not going to get laid on Tinder.

Read this book, getting lead will be so much easier

There is one book that I recommend all men to read. It is this one, and the guy who wrote it is a champion. even if you don’t want it now, click on the red link and bookmark it for when you do.

If you found the Tinder date story interesting, take a look at our Tinder Profile Tips for great info on getting more matches.

Watch this video from a ‘Pick-up artist’ on  picking up women, and to hookup using a Tinder and  other dating apps – Pick up artists are the biggest geeks of dating and getting laid but they share some great tips and tricks, if a hookup / getting laid is what you’re after you better start upping your Tinder and dating game because you are competing against a lot of other guys who are getting clued up

12 Tips for Dating in Your 30s (and Loving It)

Whenever I catch reruns of Sex and the City, I’m always a little shocked to realize that I’m the same age as Carrie and her friends. When the show debuted in 1998, I was 17, and it ran for six seasons. Now when I watch it, as a single woman in her 30s, it hits a little closer to home. I identify with the characters and their struggles so much more than I did before. Why? Because dating in your 30s is very different from dating in your 20s. The playing field is narrower; if you want kids, the biological clock is ticking; and as you’re older, you’re naturally carrying around a lot more baggage. The number of single friends is dwindling, so there is also more pressure to be coupled up. If you’ve recently become single or just turned 31 and are beginning to notice how dating has changed, you came to the right place.

Here are 12 tips for dating in your 30s.

9 Simple (But Stellar) Dating Tips for Introverts

First dates are stressful enough; but when you are an introvert, they can be panic-inducing. You already don’t do well with meeting new people, but meeting someone you know will be “sizing you up” is definitely shallow breathing time. So, as you think about the upcoming event, you start re-living all of the past disastrous first dates you have had—your short, curt responses to questions asked, your inability to keep a flow of conversation going, those awkward “good nights.” And the shallow breaths are now accompanied by that grinding in the pit of your stomach.

While no magic wand can take your introversion away, there are some things you can do to master the art of the first date.

The Preparation

1. No Drastic Changes

Should you decide that you want some new shoes or even a new outfit for your date, go for it. But don’t make big changes. Don’t buy a pair of shoes or an outfit that isn’t “you.” And don’t get a brand new haircut.

Here’s the thing about such changes: You will spend the date being very self-conscious because you are not comfortable with such a change. You haven’t had your own time to get used to it, and now here you are on a date. Yikes. The goal is to increase your comfort level, and dressing as you always do will help that.

2. Pick a Dating Event That’s Short

Meeting for a drink or coffee or attending some short event is usually the best for an introvert. There is comfort in knowing that it will be short up front, and you will have far less dread or stress. And, if thing goes well, that short chunk of time can always be extended into dinner or something else.

It’s much easier to approach the date this way than to plan a long evening, then try to cut it short. Actually, this is good advice for all first dates with strangers, so don’t feel that you are somehow different.

3. Choose a Place or Event You Know

Going someplace new can add to your discomfort—you won’t know your way around and you’ll be distracted trying to familiarize yourself with the place. If this is the short first date, choose a coffee shop, simple restaurant, or a small bar you already know. You will be familiar with the table arrangements, the location and parking, the menu, and the people who will be waiting on you. All of these things will let you focus on the person you are with.

4. Pick an Activity You Enjoy

If sitting across from a stranger and making conversation is awkward for you, why not choose a date in which you will be actively doing something? Weather permitting, you could go to the zoo or botanical garden; you could go to a wine or food tasting event or a street fest; how about a bar that has air hockey if you’re good at it? Being involved in an activity gives you more to talk about, and it allows you to “be you.”

5. Practice a Bit

When job candidates go for interviews, they often practice answering the likely questions with a friend. A first date is a bit like an interview, let’s face it. Get a friend to sit down with you and ask you some likely questions. Practice both your verbal and non-verbal responses, including facial expressions and other gestures until they seem natural. Then, turn the tables. You come up with questions to ask your date, then practice being an active good listener as well.

The Date

6. Ask Open-Ended Questions

If you have practiced with that friend, you have questions to which there are longer answers than just “yes” or “no.” Ask them, and practice those listening skills with eye contact, head nods, and small smiles (and laughs if they are genuinely funny). You want that individual to know you have a genuine interest in others and in him/her specifically. Plus, how else do you get to know someone if you don’t ask questions that allow them to open up and show you who they are?

Instead of asking them what they do for a living, ask them what they like best and least about their job. Just don’t keep firing those questions out of nervousness. You won’t your date to feel like it is an interrogation. And if you have practiced the likely questions you will be asked, you will know what to share or not. Oversharing on a first date can be a bit awkward for the other person. Giving all of the details of your last breakup is oversharing—save it.

7. You Don’t Need to Hide Your Introversion

You may be able to “fake” an outgoingness for a short period of time—especially if you have practiced this before—but you are really only doing that to make what you think will be a good first impression. If this first date turns into a second one, however, and s/he wants to take you to a large social event, your secret will be out. You don’t have to blurt out that you are an introvert, but as you talk about your interests and hobbies, it is likely that that aspect of your personality will come out.

8. Plan Your “Escape” in Advance

If you’re seeing all sort of red flags, take note. Here are just a couple:

  • Your date’s talk is all negative about other people—last relationship, boss, co-workers, etc. This is not a good sign.
  • Your date treats a waiter or waitress badly and/or loses his/her temper when something isn’t cooked just right—this isn’t a kind person.
  • Your date is a narcissist and can only talk about him/herself, never asking you a question.

An extrovert in this situation might very well be a bit confrontational and announce that the date is over. Introverts tend to bite their tongues and endure the pain for the duration. You don’t have to do this. Set up your excuses ahead of time. Have a friend text you about an hour in and have a signal to text back. Then the phone call can come that presents a situation that requires your immediate attention. Or start feeling poorly and go to the restroom. When you return, explain that you are ill and really need to go.

A fake excuse, mind you, should be used as a last resort; if and whenever possible, it’s best to be honest about things. You can bow out of the date with a simple “I’m sorry to do this, I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed with things and would prefer to go home.” In preparation for this moment, it’s a good idea to drive separately to your date, as well. No need for an awkward car ride home.

And Afterward

9. Don’t Ruminate

Introverts have amazing memories—detailed memories—because they take everything in. This is both a blessing and a curse. At work, it is often a blessing because introverts observe and listen before drawing conclusions and often come up with good creative solutions.

After a date, it can be a curse. Introverts tend to re-live every single moment, kicking themselves because they said something stupid or because their awkwardness/anxiety was showing. Give yourself a break. You are exaggerating and focusing on your perceived “bad” rather than on the many good things that probably happened. Focus on the positives of the date and what went well instead. This gives you confidence for a second date or to move onto someone else.